Through the Wringer

Wow, what a week folks, huh? You know those before and after shots of how much presidents age during their terms? I feel like just about every Coug fan has some pretty dramatic before and after changes from just a week and a half ago. Since heralding the long-awaited return of good football to the Palouse after our moral blowout of Stanford, we have endured the Utah meltdown, our most prolific receiver ever quitting the team and leaving some pretty serious and potentially libelous allegations in his wake, and then the mother of all emotional rollercoaster rides during the UCLA game. So where do we stand? It appears that the team made an emphatic statement on Saturday night that coach Leach has not “lost” this team. They fought hard, and despite a special teams disaster the likes of which I have never seen, coupled with the loss of their starting QB and a HUGE halftime deficit, they were on-side kicking down one score as the game wound down. It was both bizarre and inspirational.

Still, it was a loss and a loss marred by so many cartoonish mistakes and breakdowns that it doesn’t quite give me confidence of anything heading into the final two games other than we will see effort. So how do we weary fans continue on this crazy train? I have just the thing after the jump.

Ladies and gentlemen, when all else fails, it’s time to play BINGO. BINGO isn’t just for old people. There are all kinds of things besides ageing that we must do in life that aren’t necessarily fun and BINGO is there to help us cope. For example, as you hit your mid-30’s you will have been to so many weddings you can’t remember them all and at best, less than half of them were any fun. For the rest, there is wedding BINGO:

 

B

I

N

G

O

1

Bad Bridesmaid Dresses

Steak, Chicken, or Fish

Drunk Groomsman

Bride is Late

Macarena

2

Dry Cake

Bouquet Toss Pile-up/Wipeout

Cake in the Face

Drunk Toast

Flower Girl Tantrum

3

Drunk Mother of Bride

Crying Baby During Ceremony

FREE

Crying Bridesmaid

Tiny Quiche

4

Inappropriate Dirty Dancing

Jordan Almonds

Ducking the Garter Toss

Drunk Bridesmaid

Bridal Gown Mis-hap

5

Barfing Groomsman

Air Guitar on the Dance Floor

Crying Bride

Awkward Toast

Conga Line

 

As young professionals, you are also starting to grow weary of the dreaded work meeting. These things can drag on interminably while you are itching to get back to your office and hit refresh on Cougfan to see what shoe has dropped now. For these moments there is Buzzword BINGO:

 

B

I

N

G

O

1

Synergy

Outside the Box

Best Practice

Scope Creep

Deliverables

2

Goal Oriented

Silos

Core Competency

Low Hanging Fruit

Real World Solutions

3

Teamwork

Efficiencies

FREE

Logistics

Results Oriented

4

Outcomes

Leverage

Holistic

Stakeholder

Up the Ladder

5

Shout-out

Win Win

Streamline

Bandwidth

Customer-Centric

And finally, for those of us suffering faithfully through what we pray will be the last season of terrible football on the Palouse for the foreseeable future, I give you Bad Cougar Football BINGO:

 

B

I

N

G

O

1

Fumble

Bad Snap

Fumbled Kick Return

Good Call Reviewed and Reversed

Escorted out by Security

2

Delay of Game

Blocked Field Goal

Interception

Dropped Pass

Failed 4th Down Conversion

3

CMB Plays “Turn the Beat Around”

Score Taken Away for Penalty

FREE

Ran out of Booze

Trick Play Loses Yards

4

Student Section Throws Objects on Field

Injured Starter

Injured Cheerleader

Text from Husky Fan, Rubbing it in

Blocked Punt

5

Pick Six

Personal Foul

Bad Call Reviewed and Upheld

Dropped Mitten in Puddle of Piss in Restroom

Dropped Touchdown Pass

I hope this helps you get through our next few moral victories, like a bridge over troubled water.

Hang in there, and GO COUGS!

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