Hoops Talk: History of ME Edition

 

Hello Kenny, Hello Lenny, and Hello to my many Benefactors!  

It’s me, your good friend and pal, Ben Bone!

Today’s episode of Hoops Talk is brought to you by Keebler Cookies.  “When America needs a better tasting Cookie, it’s Keebler.”

 

Today’s episode of Hoops Talk centers on giving you the history of me, my background, and whatnot.  So, for a bit of a backstory on all that, as well as a few semi-substantive tidbits that will comprise much of  “Hoops Talk” moving forward, read on…

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Benefactors, the first thing you should all know about me is that I am one of three Bone brothers.

The youngest, Ken—who we call “Kenny”—is the current men’s basketball coach at your Washington State University. 

The second brother, and the second oldest sibling in our family, is Len—who we call Lenny.  For those of you who don’t know, Lenny is the current basketball coach at Snohomish High School and the former coach of UW superstar John C. Brockman, III.

Prior to the Snohomish job, Lenny served as head basketball coach at LaConner high school in LaConner Washington, where, among his many accomplishments, Lenny enjoyed a 3-3 lifetime record against the Cougla Khan (who played 6 whopping times against Lenny coached teams)…So there's that too!

And then there’s me, Ben.  I’m the oldest of three Bone brothers, aka “The Brothers Bone.” 

Now, some of you out there in the cyber universe might have heard rumblings that I am Ken’s “developmentally delayed” older brother.  But this is not the case.  What IS TRUE is that for a long time, I held the position of Kenny’s “Special” Assistant, which led some folks out there to believe that I had multiple mental disabilities.  Again, I assure you that nothing could be further from the TRUTH.

 

What is true, however, is that our family has many dark secrets. Chief among these dark, hidden tales is this history of internal fighting and discord within the Bone family system. And, at the root of that fighting is a simple fact: Ken is to our family what George W is to the Bush family

Namely, while Kenny has done just enough to reach the pinnacle of his profession, his older brother has ALWAYS, ALWAYS been more deserving of fame and fortune. In this sense, you can all view Lenny as our family’s Jeb Bush..

…I mean, Lenny has always been super smart, super prepared, and super talented basketball mind and coach.  And just like Jeb, poor Lenny has had to watch Kenny ascend to the highest ranks of coaching, while Lenny continues to struggle to put together enough change to take his team to the Royal Forks after yet another successful season…..

And me?  Well, I kind of consider myself to be the Karl Rove of the whole Bone family (e.g., the brains behind the brawn). 

And really, that’s where all the fuss in our family started to come about.  You see, back in the early days, it was me who taught Kenny and Lenny about the game of basketball.  It was me that taught Lenny the flex offense and the intricacies of the triangle and two.  It was me who taught Kenny a flex-motion offense, as well as the primary high-post variants for destroying a 2-3 defense.

What’s more, because I was so good at what I did (and do), many in the LA area started to take notice of me and my considerable basketball acumen. And so, in addition to being invited to coach at several Pete Newell Big Man camps during the 80’s, I also started to “hang out” and/or “bang with” with some notable Hollywood insiders. 

To put it mildly, I had some good back-up!

But after a while, all my pimping and boozing (and whatnot) became too much for the rest of the family to handle.  So, even though both Lenny and Kenny were using all of my offensive and defensive sets—and calling on me regularly for advice during their various tenures, they slowly but surely started to ostracize me from the rest of the family…

And the progression of that ostracism was as follows:  First, I went from Head Assistant to “Special Assistant for Game Planning” under Kenny (I FEEL YOU HIRO, I FEEL YOU!).  Then when it became apparent that I was too much of a threat to Kenny, I was later reassigned as “special consultant for basketball management” (e.g., equipment manager) under Lenny at LaConner High School (Go Braves!).  

My final stop as a paid basketball man was in Djursholm, Sweeden where Lenny—who felt bad about how bad I was getting screwed by Kenny—hooked me up with what appeared to be a promising international coaching opportunity with our Swedish cousin, Sven. 

At the time, Sven Bone was in the process of leading the development of the feeder/club system for the Swedish Women’s National Team….

 

Of course, as soon as Sven caught wind of the rift between me (Benny), Kenny, and Lenny, Svenie sent me back stateside as fast as he could.  And to this day, amongst all members of the Bone brood, Sven is Ken’s most ardent supporter……..

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So, that now that you have my most excellent backstory, our time is all-but up for today.  However, before we go, a few quick thoughts on tonight’s tilt between WSU and Gonzaga…

First and foremost, the thing that was THE MOST encouraging about WSU through the first two games of the year was its length and ability to extend on the perimeter.  Unfortunately, both of those strengths were quickly erased due to injury as well as Bone’s insistence on playing that half-assed 2-3 zone of his.   So, if Kenny thinks that he is going to be able to zone Gonzaga tonight, well, I think it’s fair to say that there will be no zeal at Friel.

But if Kenny goes man tonight and zones only after a bit of ¾ court pressure (after makes—which is why we must shoot well), our boys will be able to keep it close at home.

My prediction:  Kenny fails to trust his bigs once again, he goes zone, the Cougs get lit from the perimeter and then scorched in the paint, and the Zags dance all over the Cougs at Friel en route to an 81-65 laugher.

Okay, benefactors, that’s all the time we have for today.  Goodbye, Kenny.  Goodbye, Lenny.

~Benny

 

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