Before we look forward to this, lets take a look back at 2011.
Hello everyone and welcome to my final post of 2011. I will be traveling for the holidays, so I cannot promise I’ll be able to post again until after the New Year. With that in mind there is really nothing left to do but honor the year that was with some awards. Sure, Huddy already gave out some awards for 2011, but just because they had the Grammies, do they just go ahead and cancel the American Music Awards? Not a chance. In a business that does not know the definition of redundancy (have you seen the National Championship matchup?) I think it’s totally appropriate that Amieable and I honor all the people and events we felt got snubbed by Huddy. Think of it as the Golden Globes of the Coug Blog-o-sphere.
Amieable and I were shopping for new pants the other day after wearing out the knees on our old pants from what can only be described as excessive “Tebowing”, and as I loitered about the lingerie section of Dillards, something occurred to me; If we gave out awards for awesomeness in 2011, Tebow would just win them all. We might as well acknowledge he is the standard by which all greatness is measured and name the award after him. And so we have for you the first annual Tebows honoring the events and people of 2011 whose accomplishments pale in comparison to their hype. ESPN is going to be so pissed they didn’t think of this first!
Tebow overcome with emotion upon being informed the awards would be named in his honor.
So who could be worthy of one of these prestigious awards? Read on to find out…
These clowns… not even elligible for a Tebow!
Yesterday you may have noticed (or you may have not) that the last US troops left Iraq, ending one the longest wars in American history and bringing a close to the event that perhaps more than any other has defined the last decade of our lives. You may also have noticed that Kim Jong Il died, meaning 2/3rds of the vaunted Axis of Evil are officially worm food. If you did not notice these things, its likely because there was a much bigger and more significant event taking place yesterday… Tim Tebow was playing a football game.
His final act… upstaged by a mediocre quarterback.
In honor of the man who has ensured that 2011 will forever be remembered… a man whose significance dwarfs the ending of wars, the passing of despots and all else that dare steal our attention from his greatness… here are this years Tebows:
We start off with the award for Game of the Year. Wait a second, this is the “Tebows” so we must go totally over-board and call it The Game of the Century!!! And the Tebow goes to: THE GAME OF THE CENTURY between LSU and Alabama, narrowly beating out the Pac-12 Championship game. After battling to a thrilling 6-6 tie in regulation, LSU pulled out a stunning road victory by kicking yet ANOTHER field goal in overtime leaving the college football world wondering how such excitement could ever be duplicated. Well lucky us, The BCS has our back and these two titans will clash again in the National Championship game. Heart Surgeons across the country are on full alert.
The next Tebow is for astounding achievement in the tailgating arts. In a shocking upset this Tebow goes to Lucas, whose resounding defeat of Longball in not one, but TWO shotgunning contests in a single calendar year, combined with his prowess for bringing jalapenos, cream cheese and bacon together with bloody mary’s, edges out Sean Hawkins who bought an RV. Is that all you got Hawk? Clearly you are going to have to up your game.
Our next award is for most outstanding over-hypedness in basketball. And this Tebow goes to… the Pac-12 conference! All 12 teams, come on down and get your Tebow! Now a lot of people thought Lebron had this one all locked up, but with such stunners as Arizona losing to Seattle Pacific, our own Cougs somehow losing to UC Riverside and Washington Bowing Down to South Dakota State, the Pac-12 has swooped in and stolen this Tebow right out of Lebrons freshly chalked hands. The Pac-12 regular season should resemble one of those hair pulling, foot stomping, nose honking fights the Three Stooges used to have.
At this time we would like to take a short interlude to hand out our first ever Lifetime Achievement Tebow. This very special award goes to… the entire sport of Tennis.
Back to the show and our next award for unfathomable hilarity in the field of sports broadcasting. And the Tebow goes to… Ed Cunningham, former Husky O-lineman, roid fiend, current ESPN College Football Commentator and TOTAL MORON. Cunningham proclaimed the Mike Leach hire the worst of the year in a thinly veiled shot at his alma mater’s rival and courtroom nemesis of his good pal Craig James. You’re a real pro, Ed.
Our next award is for outstanding new emphasis in the officiating arts. And the Tebow goes to… the targeting penalty! In our house we like to call this being flagged for roughhousing or getting “Lockered”, but no matter what you call it, there is no denying its impact on the game of football. Our advice for offensive players in the new year… when a defender approaches you, be sure to position yourself so that his helmet touches yours. 15 yards every time!
For our next award we will shift briefly away from the world of sports to focus on newsmakers in politics and world affairs. For outstanding achievement in the art of geo political buggery, the Tebow goes to, envelope please… Pakistan! Congratulations. If you were half as good at sports as you are at keeping the entire world teetering on the edge of destruction we’d probably be awarding our first ever Tebow for Cricket.
Back to sports and the award for most anti-climactic event of the year. Sure its bowl season which means there are literally dozens of completely ridiculous games that we are practically begged to take seriously. Any one of these sparsely attended, ridiculously named matchups of little known 6-6 teams in some far off non-destination “city” could be a candidate for this award. But this year the Tebow goes to, drum roll… the Seattle Game! Yes this years Seattle game in particular was a spectacular bust. Not only did the team fail to show up, but the crowd that showed up was exactly what you can expect from a bunch of people who have never really cared enough to drive 4 ½ hours to Pullman for a game anyway. With a whole week of festivities leading up to the game, including the proliferation of Cougar flags all throughout King County, the game itself turned out kinda like one of those satellites packing a bunch of exciting new technology that just blows up on the launch pad. There we all were, like a bunch of stunned mission control operators, glassy eyed, jaws dropped, not really able to understand what we just saw happen. Hopefully with the Pirate on board we can get a little more bang for our hype next season and beyond since it appears this game is here to stay for now.
And that wraps up the inaugeral Tebow awards. We can only hope that Tebow doesn’t join William Hung, Hyper Color shirts, and Herman Cain in the dustbin of short-lived fads so that we can do this again next year.
Merry Christmas everyone, happy New Year and we’ll see you all in Utah in 2012!